Innocuous ramblings of a subatomic muon

Hi….. err…. ummmm……. where do we start? Hi I am Zoe, I am a Muon. I know you find it rather funny because by the time you read this, I would have been dead for more than what… 3272 million lifetimes of mine…. but still…. ahem…. I was talking about this inconsequential life of mine.

I saw this Electron the other day, radiating energy, and take my word for it… looking damn gorgeous. but you know these electrons, how snobbish they are. That was the feeling that i got! I stopped in my orbit, staring away at this beautiful creation, and she didn’t even bother to pass a glance at me. Spinning away in her azimuthal angle, with celestial source of light enhancing her features, she looked so damn pretty!

And as if by this ugly joke played by God (I, being a Muon believe in God, wonder why you, Humans, still have atheists amongst you), found myself picometers away from this damsel in distress as this godawful superstructure with leering and jeering vandals who call themselves Neutrons (how can one ever call oneself a Neutron?) struck my world, spreading their wrath all over.

I was destined to be taken, to be killed, to be wiped off the face of my world, my nucleus, but the imminent danger to my beautiful electron stirred me into action. In a move that you’d term as fool-hardiness, I went that extra nanometer to come directly inline between the evil neutron and my lady love, oblivious of the carnage around me, and unscathed by what lay in store for me, and then it happened!

In a blinding flash, I could see my sojourn through my birth, to the present, to my death. Death, I tell you never seemed so painless. As I was being dragged into the pulsating mass of positrons at the behest of the devilish Neutron, I spun over my axis to look into the core of my electron, and I saw it! A pair of moist eyes, and quivering lips as she read my mind and sped away from the destruction! She did indeed care for me, and didn’t want my sacrifice to be in vain. That realization wiped off all pains as I nosedived into death.

Today, nothing but a memory, I still wonder about my life. In as less as 2.2 microseconds, I found my love. Wonder why you humans in a lifespan that is 8.6 * 10^14 times my lifespan can’t!

I may be just a muon, my words may just be innocuous ramblings for you, but at the end of the day, before you go off to sleep, give a thought about my life, and you’ll understand what I intend to say!

HIS STORY

He was sprawled on his bed, amidst a pile of books, clothes and newspapers. Yet, he was walking. Walking along the streets of South Mumbai. “Its a matter of a few minutes, and we shall be there” he said to his friend. He felt they had been walking for ages. A few more paces down, and they were there. He cold now see the huge archway, the sheer sight of the magnanimous structure had dumbfounded him many times in the past, but this time, it was different.

Suddenly, as if the power cord was pulled out of the socket, he felt his vision vanish into the depths of darkness. He woke up with a start, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead, and as he sat trying to decipher his dream, he was once again thrown into the depths of silence, darkness, the depths of non-existence. He felt paralyzed, not by body, but by vision, by mind.

His quest for power had landed him in this place, and the irony of life had him now, groping in the dark, thanks to power cuts very frequent in his area. He sat upright, waiting for his world to be lit up, and his mind started wandering.

He led a very comfortable life, with a job that earned him a lavish lifestyle. And yet he cribbed. He complained of long working hours, of inhuman conditions, and lack of growth opportunities. Never was he so excited before, as he prepared to start a new thread in his life. Indeed, the Gods had been ignorant of him. They had never tested him before. He had never tested himself before.

So he finally made the move and entered the campus, that was to change his life. But he was unaware, he was ignorant for if that change was for the better, or otherwise.

“Wasn’t I the one to profess the need to move ahead in life?” the thought, but, with that he realized that his conviction was waning. Motionless as his body still was, his mind was racing. Of late, he had such escapades more often with darkness becoming a common phenomenon. “I must act now, before it is too late” he thought.

Coincidence, you would call it, but at that very thought, the tube lights started blinking into life, the fan started its rotary motion with its rustic charm. He got up, fumbled in his pockets for his cigarette pack, and opened it. “Fuck!” he said, looking at the last stick in the deformed packet with a “SMOKING KILLS” warning stretched across the pack. He got up, lighting the cigarette, and moved out of his room, into the open.

The sky was still dark with fog hanging low in the atmosphere. As he started walking, he felt the chill in the air penetrate his flesh, and touch his spine. He walked up to the cafe, and got himself a coffee. The boy at the counter made a warm gesture which was not reciprocated to by him. He was still lost. Grabbing his coffee and puffing his cigarette, he made way to the ground and flopped onto the bench.

“What did I learn here?” he inquired. He had always had answers to his own questions earlier. But that was because, he never was true to himself. This one time, he failed to manage an answer. “Have I really wasted all my money and one and a half years of the formative part of my life?” he thought.

As if it was all preplanned, his mobile started vibrating just then. He checked the display, to find the name of the very friend he had dreamt of. “Hey, wassup? I didn’t expect you to call me at 2:30 in the night” he said. “But I dearly wished that you did” he added inaudibly. “I just called aise hi, teri yaad aayi toh maine call kiya” she said.

He so wanted to talk to her, but something was stopping him from doing so. He wanted to talk, to open up, to cry. But the alter ego he had developed in a year and a half, the manager in him forbade him from doing so. “Yaar, am caught up with my assignments, will return your call tomorrow, when I am free, theek hai?” he said, and with that, he hung up on her.

As he sat there, thinking of her, an uneasy feeling crept back again. He could now see a train, leaving a station, only to reach another one, which was further ahead. Was his life also headed ahead like that? Or was his life resemblant of the lost sheep in the big city?

As he was thinking, he threw the cigarette butt aimlessly into the bushes, and thought about his newfound friends and acquaintances. With the thought of his friends, he envisioned all the booze parties, and trips they had. All the intellectual gibberish he was ever involved in at his new abode. All the shirking of academic assignment work, but still getting the job done.

“I have indeed learnt a lot” he thought, as the corner of his lips curled into an unmistakable smile.

emotional kaleidoscope

spare me for dis poetic shit, tried my hand n head in a thing wer I suck big time!
wateva…… introducin da POeT, here I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

its such a pain maahn, geddin outta bed,
n ts da worst wen u drunk as u dead,
gotta get ur ass to da 8:30 class,
afta clearin off ur guts n life dat u’ve bled!

it aint not creepy books nor education anymore,
ts da thing u got ingrained in ur core,
weed, hash, MR, CB trash, its all gotta go,
ts only gonna b friends, not ne whore!

management ed is da game wer u learn it all,
u learn 2 b da change, u learn 2 b tall,
sheddin da chocolate, sheddin da cream,
growin 2 b a man for whom da world will stall!

life wasnt easy for me, started at placecom,
but I learnt to b tuff der, learnt 2 b warm,
cuttin da clutter n workin for da student’s swarm,
da place rocks for its values, power n charm!

now as a senior, I lead a life with max ease,
makin da most o every penny o my fees,
but every night, before I go to sleep,
I think o da days as a JPC, n I feel a cool breeze!

 

PEACE!!!

Beauty n da Beast

So, da IPL has finally kicked off, n must say, has kicked sum serious butt as well (n I haven’t started on Salman Butt as yet J)! Wid evythin from huge intimidating batsmen to wily old bowlers n scantily clad cheerleaders, dis game has had a lot 2 offer n promises to hold much more in the near future!

 

Pompous, I dare say wid no remorse, da IPL has made its entry n has proved dat it is a force 2 reckon wid!!! So wat exactly am I gonna say in dis piece o post? If u lookin for any analysis etc, I must say look away, as I aint nobody to comment on its credibility. However one thing dat I can do is share my experience here.

 

Twas da 27^th o April n we wer all charged up 2 see da clash of da titans (or so it seemed to be pre-match). Mumbai wid 3 straight losses n Hyderabad wid deir 3, twas a do or die situation for both da teams! Three o us (me n a coupla college pals o mine) got 2 da stadium (DY Patil – Nerul) n wer awe-struck by its presence, it was der in front o our eyes n we wer all set 2 be a part of it!

 

D.Y. Patil stadium isn’t one of da the normal stadia dat u get 2 see!!!! In the backyard o a notorius (da world will oppose me on dis, but hey! We hav a right to freedom of expression, dun we?) college, we dun generally xpect international cricketers 2 showcase deir talents! Standing tall, da sight o dis beauty was not worth just viewing, but twas worth living! With a lush green outfield, n awesome stands, Ravi Shastri was not a bit mistaken wen he sed dat “Dis is da best stadium u will get 2 see in India!!!”.

 

Da match started off n so did we (ogling at da belles who had collected 2 cheer, jeer n sneer at the thrills n shrills o da match!). A coupla overs down da line we kenew dis was not goin da way we expected! Rooting for da home side, we were in a spot o bother wen our team (I BELONG TO MUMBAI, no matter wat dez slimy politicos say!!!) was down, but not out!

 

End o da first innings, n we wer hopin 4 a miracle!!!! We wanted 2 come outta da misery o havin 2 see Mumbai lose, or atleast Nehra bein da only bowler getting thwacked!!!! Dat we did, Nehra wasn’t indeed da only bowler geddin a beatin! Our plight was multiplied if not raised to the power of infinity (so wat if I am goin in2 management now, m still an engineer u see) wen da beast announced him on da big stage!!!! Adam C Gilchrist may not be the normal school boy’s mental picture of a beast, but must tell you, wen his willow starts talking, he rises, to n supersedes da stature o a beast!! Wat he gav Polly wid his bat, is sumthin I do evynight (at times daytime too ) in mah dreams.

 

It took 7 overs for us 2 get immune 2 da visual pounding dat we received, n den we wer able 2 enjoy da force dat had taken da crowd by storm! Gily had given us da pleasure of a lifetime, but hey! His shots still didn’t manage 2 excite us as much as a coupla females’ (actually, much more dan just a couple) curves!!!!!! Da match box (DYP) was empty by da time da 15^th over wud hav been bowled, for we wer on our way back home as da beast had wrapped up da game n had decorated it wid ribbons as well!

 

Nerul station has been a second home 4 me, college gav me da licesnse 2 linger around da station premises n get back home in da virtually empty 12:12 AM last train!!! But da 27^th was no ordinary day!!! Da station was as packed as da stadium was, n wats worse, evybudy waitin 4 da last local. Da train arrived to a deafening cheer dat wud hav been more in decibels dan da victory of da home team!!! So it was, da train packed wud humans, to an extent, worse dan a 9:00 AM Virar – Churchgate Fast local (da worst u can get 2 see in Mumbai) headed 2 CST as we headed for our homes!!!!!!

 

Only a few sights dat I still remember o dat day!!!!! Da flat super sixes Gily thumped, n da voluptuous babes, m more dan eager 2 giv da match box a visit on nother match day!!!!!!!!

Ekta v/s Musharraf

What is the one thing that is common to the queen of Indian melodrama and the Pakistani supremo? While answers to this can be many, most of them acceptable beyond an iota of doubt, I, as usual, being short of ideas have only one. Both of them enjoy to have their masses crying out buckets.

Why did Ekta Kapoor qualify for this comparison? Well, I cant really answer that, had to start somewhere… On a serious note what has been happening to a Virani Parivar is much in parallelism to the fate of the Pakistani Judiciary (yes! there is a judicial system beyond Mr. Pervez, but for how long?). The recent emergency rule has been testimony to this fact

Like an everlasting saga of pain, pain, pain, pain and more pain (read : any of the K-serials), the Pakistani Judiciary continues to be thwacked left right and centre at the hands of Mr “Tyranny Personnified”. Be it the sacking of Supreme Court Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry, or the house arrest of Imran Khan, one thing is for sure, Democracy and Pakistan are the Zenith and Nadir of the same celestial sphere, diametrically opposite and never attainable.

Was Mr Pervez being premonitiory in saying  “I fear that if timely action is not taken, then God forbid there is a threat to Pakistan’s sovereignty.” just before the imposition of the emergency rule? I guess yes, as these are the words being chanted by Pakistanis not in Pakistan alone but all around the globe post emergency, but with the obvious deviation in Musharraf being the threat!

“I cannot allow this country to commit suicide.”, well Mr Musharraf, strangling the country to death is a logical but not an ethical solution to this oath of yours. But on second thoughts, ethics are alien to Mr Musharraf.

I would rather sit back on my couch and watch Tulsi, Parvati et al (though i wouldnt do it) than scratching my head on a person as eccentric as Mr you-know-who! Well guess we have a clear winner here in Ekta Kapoor (unless she also takes a leaf out of Musharraf’s book in implementing Director’s rule, would it be?) Kudos Ekta, kudos India, we have yet again beaten our neighbours in their game.

CRAP AINT CHEAP

Thanxalot fellas 4 da overwhelmin response 2 da LOVE N DA e-PAPER thingy………

M comin out wid dis piece o shit!!! Well, u asked 4 it, so no use in complainin now…..

Twas “just nother day” in da lyf o dis “just nother guy”. Woke up 2 da buzz o mah cell. “Whoz dis sicko callin me dis early in da mornin????” i thot, n early it was…….. 11:30 AM is definitely early (mornin 4 me, but aftanoon 4 most o u!!!). Was kinda happy dat mah best pal had called up……. but so early???????  “Tizz a Sunday for Christ’s sake” I mumbled!!!! “Dude 12:45 Aftanoon, Metro, Zodiac, see ya then!!!!!”. Had dun a lotta precis writin back in skool, n also had quite an xposure o shorthand, but dis arbit message failed 2 make ne sense 2 me!!!!

Didnt take me long 2 figure out wat da call was all about….. (a shower 2 bring u down 2 planet earth aint all dat time consuming newez…). So twas all set….. had 2 reach Metro Cinema sumwher in south Mumbai by 12:45, but wat-da-heck????? da clock was tickin , n tickin fast…. 11:55 n i wasnt half ready…….. (all dat I had managed 2 jump in2 was a sick lookin tee-shirt n a towel….. arrrrgh!!!!). made da most o da next 5 minutes n zipped off 2 GTB railway station….. (one good thing tho is dat mah home is freakin close 2 da station…. thank u central railways…)

 Had a fuhgetful railway journey n reached Metro (ADLABS) by 12:40….. phew……. Thot twas all dun, but as usual (at da risk o soundin repetitive*  **) i was sooooo wrong!!!!!!! The ticket fare shook me real hard as i nearly fell off da pavement on2 da road!!!!! “Freakin 220 bucks 4 a movie dat no one has heard of?????? WTF”, i super-exclaimed, as mah friend gav me an “I AGREE” look…..

Da next 20 minutes went in decidin wat 2 do , n da piece o Bombay Times in mah pocket helped….. we wer goin 2 Sterling Cinema (sumwher close 2 Metro, sumwher in South Mumbai) 120 bucks…. more than a bargain, but da show was scheduled at 2:45 PM!!!!!!!! “Itna der kya jhak maarenge????”. Jhak it was, Westside da store aint all dat interestin a place but we managed 2 spend an hour der ogling at da shoes put up on sale………. 1500 bucks…. “Discounted Rates” said da salesman…….. double-phew!!!!!!

Outta Westside, back to Sterling, picked up a coupla “Naariyal Paanis” n a coupla game DVDs on da way (m still a kid at heart… lolz, n maahn! 15 bucks for around 30 ml of dat shit aint all dat good). Got 2 dis place Cafe Excelsior close 2 Excelsior Cinema (sumwher in South Mumbai), n ordered a coupla rolls, was freakin hungry then n wat we got was sumthin dat killed our hunger before we cud start eatin!!!! (60 bucks 4 dat crap)

Managed 2 get 2 Sterling again n gnawed on a paneer-sumthin wrap der (nother 60 bucks). 2:45 n da usher took us 2 our seats…. final-phew (or i thot so!!!!). Muvi starts….

“Zodiac”, nevah heard dat name n wish i had never seen it as well….. wat ensued 4 da next 150 long minutes is sumthin dat I cannot describe…….. (I swear I cannot!!!). 4:45PM n both of us wer wasted!!!!! We had dat “wat-struck-us” expression as da tale dat spiralled outta control and defied da time theory had baffled us beyond recovery!!!

Spent 120*2 + 150*2 + 30*2 + 15*2 + 60 + Popcorn + Travel tickets = ???? n wat do we get?????? Soopah-headache!!!!!! Swear twas bad, twas CRAP personnified (or should i say itemized….. wateva!!!!)………… Sid….. nevah 4 a muvi o ur choice wid u dude….. (BTW dude, wenz Evan Almighty hittin da screens???)

Monday mornin was bad, as i had a sombre look on mah face…… dey wer playin Guru in da bus, but I cudnt recognize Big B’s bayby…….. he looked like a confused Jake Gyllenhaal, n da “ever-so-confusing” ZoooooooooDIAC returned 2 mind!!!!

* Refer first post for previous occurence

** Sry Big B, lifted dat dialogue right outta Cheeni Kum, luved it wen u sed dat!!!

LOVE AND DA e-PAPER

 Hey folks!!!!

             Mez da new kyd on dis bloggin block……. so me sez heyya evyone!!!!!

Spare me 4 da language, but dis is da best dat i can get in formal english (whew!!! not a single spellin mistayk in da last two words), n i m damned sure dat u aint one percent interested in readin a post written in java wid HashMaps n Arraylists strewn arround lyk dirty linen on mah bed……. ahem….. so wher wer we????? Yeah…… am kinda new into writin, so puhlease lemme kno how bad i am.

         Born n brought up in a traditional indian family (Dad, Mom n an elder Sis…. dat was not 4 da traditional thing, but was an intro 2 mah family….. say Hiiiii), n bein da shy guy dat i am, i was never comfortable wid da species from da opposite sex. Always had da butterflies in mah stomach talkin 2 gals o mah age, talkin bout butterflies, derz a story 2 dat too, but we gonna discuss bout dat later…… so wher were we????? (n btw…. i hav an awe-triple-some memory, so puhleaze dun mind me usin da wher-wer-we-? template as widely as articles in Wren and Martin) Yeah… i was kinda kept aloof frm dis sect o ppl dey called girls not by mah parents, but by da archetypal thought dat was instilled in me frm mah early days…. DA SHY GUY…..yeah…. dat was me!!!

        Skool happened, n i was nother loser ther…… a loser at studies, n a loser wid da gurlz….. in fact i was kinda shocked wen a femme frm nother division called me by name…. mah reaction was like….. UH!!!-UH!!!!-U-KNO-ME???? So much 4 dat gurl….. had a crush on her as well. Still wonderin wat da subject line means…. LOVE AND THE e-PAPER????? Well, skool was da place wer i subconsciously came 2 kno wat love means….. i was tricked into submission by dis fella o mine….. scoundrel!!!! i feel like wringin his neck… till da last drop o blood oozes out!!!! Twas just nother day, n da bugger asked me whom did i love, n promised dat he too wud reveal da name his love….. me wid da fresh memoirs o da hindi movie i had seen da previous day, named a gal frm mah class…. a cutie…. n da bugger said dat in front o da whole class……, thanx 2 him, she snooted at me as she walked past me, n yeah…. u got it rite…. i was havin mah first crush!!!! (Cho chweet na???)

        Days, months n years passed by n i graduated frm mah skool 2 mah junie. Maahn…. must tell ya, da freedom was refreshin!!!! Dat was da tym wen da crush o mah lyf was developin in2 sumthin much more serious….. dis gurl i knew (n who knew me 4 a change) was slowly changin mah emotions….. da phases changed…. infatuation 2 crush, crush 2 sum beautiful feelin which mah frenz insist is called luv!!! Mah HSC (called as 12th, Plus two and da lifemaker) happened, n da loser dat i m, lost in dis femme’s thots fared badly………. but twasnt bad enuf 2 stop me frm njoin da best days o mah lyf!!!

WELCOME 2 DA DAYS DAT MADE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Engineering is looked upon by da country as one o da elitest professions, but da path dat one has 2 tread along 2 get der is da best part o it…… Mah lyfmaker got me in2 dis cute engie colleg, cute coz twas reeyal small n was under construction wen i stepped in2 it….. (can u imagine dat????)….. day one was bad wid a real bad raggin session, wer i was asked 2 play dandiya raas wid matchstix n make luv 2 a lamp post (act as if i was makin luv….. u perverts!!!! ), u dun wanna kno wat else i was made 2 do, but dat was da day i understood wat lyf was………. Got dis group dat i treasure more dan mah bank account (okay den, can we edit da bank account wala part????). We did it all, boozin, raggin, dancin, jholing (scammin 4 da firangs), bunkin, cricket, fights, smoke n not 2 4get…. NO DOPE!!!!! In da meanwhile da femme i was lovin (as mah frenz wud put it) didnt seem 2 get one percent closer 2 me…… da shy guy dat is!!!! I got real close 2 dez six fellas Wama, Bobin, Diddarth, Taman, Fripthi (dats mah new sistah….n Diddarth’s dame) and Fartik……. (oops!!!! sorry dude…. but dat was 4 da rhyme effekt!!!) (names changed on request….. yeah…. i made dem beg of me !!!!). One thingz 4 sure, dat mah frenz’ll kill me if i get in2 da details as 2 wat all we did over da four years….. so for dear lyf…… fasht phorward!!!!!! Final year and we had a trip 2 GOA!!!!!!!! Dey say twas an industrial visit…. da likes dez techies go out on…. but ours was wid a difference….. we visited nothin but beaches, discs, bars, n more beaches…. wid a common agenda….. BOOZE!!!!!!!!!!! Dat month was da most happenin month o mah lyf……. wid loads o fun in Goa, i made way 2 mah naadu (Gao…in hindi…… hey…. dats kewl…. Goa se Gao……..). Twas an ocassion o a lyftym…. mah sista’s weddin, n i was into tears wen da bidaai thingy happened……… luv ya sistah!!!!!!!!! (yeah…. n now 4 da fifth family member….. Jeeju… say Hiiii) I thot i wud nevah get 2 spend tym fightin wid mah sista afta dat, but i as usual am so wrooooong, back in mumbai, mah day is incomplete widout a fight wid mah sista….(we hav matured enuf 2 keep da fights verbal…. Heard dat mom????? yes…. we hav matured!!!!!).

        I managed 2 survive engie n walked outta mah colleg wid a job…. meagre pay…. but i aint complainin!!!!! Now, working at the client side, things have changed, life has changed. Can you see the difference? The language….. its come down to normalcy……. that is exactly what happened to me after I came here. Got a shot of life. Got a sense of reality. Now i feel my play days are over, but for the rare day out wid frens (wid frenz around, mah language changes automatically… lolz). N bout da gal, in mah life???? well will keep u posted on ne updates……… lolz. Oops, 4got bout da butterfly story, but we can hav dat sum otha day!!!!

        Ohh….. did ya understand da name now…. LOVE AND THE e-PAPER????? Time 2 let da cat outta da box!!! (u smart enuf 2 understand dat frase)……. I learnt 2 love mahself…… i learnt 2 love mah life, success as dey say is relative…… (mom, can we marry among our relatives???  gosh!!! shez gonna kill me wen she reads dis) n 4 da e-PAPER thingy…. wer do u think am i writin????? on da last page o mah second hand Wren and Martin???? (dats a book for High School Grammar 4 da ones who got zonked by da name).

        N today i sit in da shadows o mah past, wid nothin but a trail o smile on my face as i relive doz days…. minute by minute, second by second……. as i try to lip sync wid da song playin on mah cell…… doz wer da best days o mah lyf!!!!!!!!!!